Self Marriage Ceremonies
India: My Self-Marriage Journey
Two weeks ago, I returned from a wild 2-month journey in India. ?Inside the Mother. ?Inside myself.
A land where boxed-in concepts of western reality do not apply. ?Where the spiritual and the corrupt, the sacred and the profane dwell so closely together you would think they are one. ?Where the mixed fragrance of incense, jasmine flowers, mantras, pollution, and cow dung lingers around every corner.
Land of big hearts and hardened feet, of extreme poverty and inner wealth.
Where love and chai know no separation.
India blessed me with the chance to surrender myself completely–
to chaos to grace to the unknown to astounding beauty and heartbreak to the brilliant wonder of existence. ?I stood (and sometimes collapsed) in raw truth, choiceless in my vulnerability, relying on the help of others for directions, safety, food and shelter. ?Interdependent and intertwined in a language beyond language: human need.
I witnessed a baby pup standing on its hind legs in the streets of New Delhi at 2 am, suckling milk from the tit of his mother, feeling myself simultaneously as baby, mother, and milk.
I witnessed an ancient tree fall in the foothills of the Himalayas and listened to the echo.
I witnessed myself fall apart by a river and listened for the grace that flooded in.
I cried more than I showered; I coughed more than I cried; I prayed more than I coughed.
I danced my devotion to truth to the rhythm of 30 women’s heartbeats and the Gayatri mantra at an Awakening Women Yogini Retreat and came home to myself again and again.
I lost my Self-Marriage ring in the Indian Ocean and turned it into a ceremony.
Who do you think you are?, Mother India said as she snatched the ring from my nose with an overwhelming bang-crash of her tide’s waves. ?You are the ocean. ?Infinite possibility. ?Boundless, shapeless, reflection of the sky, source of existence. ?Your depth extends beyond the center of the Earth. ?Know that every wave of your experience–thought, emotion, sensation in the body–arises from this infinity and returns to infinity.
Divorce your small, confining ideas of who you think you are and marry the ocean,?she told me.? Start anew. ?Humble yourself. ?Turn your longing heart into itself: gaze into the oceanic mirror of love within you. ?Speak your truth. ?And take care of your body.
And so my pilgrimage to India became a Self-Marriage journey amidst monkeys and elephants, coconuts and ?too-warm nights.
Beside the Arabian Sea in Kerala, I had a new Self-Marriage ring made and renewed my vows in ceremony with two beloved friends, committing to live the abundant lessons Mother India presented me. ?These are my vows:
I commit to profound self-care, to caring for my body, my temple– nourishing it, moving it, reflecting outwardly my deep honor for it. I commit to listen to the wisdom of my body. ?
After two weeks, the henna on my hands from my time in India has faded, but the depth of my commitment to love has unveiled itself, darkened the pattern of my soul.
More than any exotic distance, it is the sheer power of intention that unraveled this wild ride I find myself only beginning. ?It is my invitation for life to deepen my commitment to love, received and reflected back to me magnified. ?An ocean of possibility awakened.